Being a Nice Guy and More | The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast
EP 88 I was listening to a conversation from someone trying to be “a nice guy” . . . and wasn’t. I also talk about ET and straddling choices aver an abyss.
I was talking with a couple of guys recently, and one of them was talking about a disagreement he had with his wife where she was incapacitated for a period of time, had to take over the financials and, man, he just didn’t tell her that financially, they were sucking wind. And it reminded me of how often guys like to think of themselves as nice guys. Don’t get me wrong, ladies, you’re no different. There are things you withhold from the men. But this is “a nice guy scenario. “And how nice is it to withhold information that’s important to you and your family, you and your partner, wife, husband, whomever. How nice are you being, if at one point, they discover it, and now they’re horrified, because in effect, through the absence of the truth, you’ve lied. How nice were you really? Wouldn’t you’ve been a lot better off had you told the truth in the very beginning?
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I know recently, I had something where, while my wife was traveling, I asked her to spend a little bit less and explained why. She was great. She understood. And we could move forward. If I waited for her to get back. And she’s been gone for six weeks and is back at the end of this week. I can’t wait to see her. But if I waited for her to get back, we wind up with problems. She’d be shocked. And there’s no reason for that.
The right person will respond in the right way. And I’ll simply say you’re not being nice by not telling the truth. Have you ever seen one of those movies or cartoons, where someone has a leg on one side of the cliff and another leg on the other side, and there’s a chasm between the two. And what happens invariably is the two sides start pulling away. And the person’s in the middle straddling both sides until they eventually fall into the abyss.
Folks, a lot of you operate that way. You want it both ways. And the fact of the matter is, there comes a point where you have to commit in one way or the other. I know for me, I spent a lot of time doing recruiting. And there got to be a point where I wasn’t satisfied with thecareer and want to make a transition. So I worked really hard. I got my family’s buy in on this. I did coach training and I continued on as a recruiter. So I was putting in a lot of hours into my day, doing two things and start to build my practice after I completed training, and made the commitment to go to the other side.
Folks, you can’t have it both ways. Eventually you’ve got to commit and that’s true in relationships. That’s true in your business. That’s true in so many different areas. Because, as I remember a trainer I met many years ago said as he told his story about learning martial arts and going to his sensei, and asking for permission to take a different type of martial art while he continued on with this one, the sensei refused himm.
He went to the sensei and said, “Sensei, I don’t understand why won’t you let me take this other type of martial art?” And the sensei responded with a lot of wisdom and said, “If a dog chases a rabbit, he can catch that rabbit. Have you ever seen a dog chase two rabbits? They don’t catch anything.” f
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Folks, lot of you chase two rabbits.
I’m a big softy and I stumbled into watching “ET” again for the umpteenth time. And I remember “ET: The Extra Terrestrial when the movie first came out, and I started watching it. About three quarters of the way through, more than that actually, when they’re trying to evade all the evil adults who want to poke and prod ET, and they’re on their bikes flying away from all the bad guys. And of course, there’s the goodnye scene. And this is where I’m going to lead you to with a story.
In the goodbye scene, Elliot and ET are saying goodbye to one another. And they have really made for lack of a better term, a heartfelt connection. And Elliot is trying to persuade ET to stay with him on Earth and that he’ll look out for him. But of course, this is time for you to go home. And the Extra Terrestrial looks at him and points at his head and says, “I’ll be right here, as they say goodbye, tearfully.
Folks, there are a lot of people who live within you. There’s a lot of people who live within me. A lot of good people who’ve touched you touched me and are part of who we are today. Anytime you want to, you can take the time to connect with them. Because they do live within you. They have made such an important presence in your heart.
Enjoy them. They are so important to you. Take a minute, sit by yourself. And just remember those times.
[svp]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kwYTSoQgqY[/svp]
ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a career and leadership coach who worked as a recruiter for more than 40 years. He is the host of “No BS Job Search
Advice Radio,” the #1 podcast in iTunes for job search with more than 2300 episodes. He also hosts Job Search TV on YouTube, Amazon and Roku, as well as on BingeNetworks.tv for Apple TV and 90+ smart sets.
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