I sometimes want to help too much because I believe I know how to help a person more than they know how to help themselves. I know that was true in my parenting; I see it happen elsewhere.

I’m wrong, of course.

The other person needs to care more than I do.

In workshops I used to run years ago, there was a process that asked the attendees about why they were there.

“Why are you here?”

“I want to (whatever the problem was and that they wanted to fix).”

“So, what’s a risk for you to do that?”


“Then, why haven’t you changed it? If it were so easy, you would have changed it by now. So, what’s at risk for you to change it?”

Sometimes, I found myself in struggles with an individual where they would argue forcefully with me at which point I said, “Sit down. Think about it. At the end of this weekend, I’m going to go home and be fine but you came here to fix something that wasn’t working for you. Thin about what I asked you.” By the time I started working with them again, they were ready to sort things through because instead of trying too hard, I left them to figure out that I cared, not about winning, but about them.

People need to know you care more about them than about winning.

Ⓒ The Big Game Hunter, Inc., Asheville, NC 2019



Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter

Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a career and leadership coach who worked as a recruiter for more than 40 years. He is the host of “No BS Job Search Advice Radio,” the #1 podcast in iTunes for job search with more than 1600 episodes and his newest show, “No BS Coaching Advice” and is a member of The Forbes Coaches Council.

Are you interested in 1:1 coaching, interview coaching, advice about networking more effectively, how to negotiate your offer or leadership coaching? Please click here to see my schedule to book a free discovery call.

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