The Struggle to Accept | The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast
By Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
EP 165 I find it hard to accept that others do things differently than I do and that it works. Thus, I dwell on the difference and fixate on it. But when I remember divine appointments and anonymous interruptions exist, I am much happier and more effective.
FROM THE ARCHIVES
This is the No BS Coaching Advice Podcast, episode 165. I’m your host Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter and welcome. Excuse that funny way I pronounced 5 but I’m kind of in a playful mood enjoying the day so far after a Presidents Day weekend that was delightful I’d like to spend some time weekly talking with you about some element of life, the universe, and everything and I had a conversation with some friends on Sunday that was really interesting in that it touched on a lot of subjects. And one of them was the struggle to accept someone who works or thinks differently than me. Not me, personally but I think all of us struggle with that thing. You see, in some ways and we expect everyone that we’re friends with to be like us. We expect them to think like us, do things like us, act like us and if we’re married to them and in a relationship, certainly they should understand us.
But people are different and they see things through different lenses and I know I struggle to accept that people work differently, than I do, that they don’t put in the same effort or care as much as I do. Is that true of you, too? How does it come back and haunt you and your other relationships? How does that impact your friendships or working relationships?
Can you find a way that you can accept them for who they are and encourage them to accept you for who you are, too? When I struggle to accept someone for who they are, I start dwelling on all sorts of useless nonsense that really doesn’t help either of us get into a good relationship with one another or get anything done.
It’s mental stupidity. I go around in these circles that cause me anguish. It was interesting. I was talking to my son yesterday. He’s working in a job where he’s reporting to an owner who sometimes . . . well, she’s got her opinions, he has his, and of course, he anguishes over the fact that of course she’s wrong and is treating him badly. And when he shifted his mind for a moment and could talk with her directly about what his complication was, they had a great conversation and came to a meeting of the minds about how to move forward.
Can’t you do the same thing with people sometimes instead of muttering under your breath, enrolling others in your conspiracies and trying to change people who maybe shouldn’t be changed? Maybe it’s both of you? You need to be changed not just simply the other person.
I think I’ve mentioned before in the show that I met my wife in graduate school and we had three first dates. After each one of the first two, she didn’t return my phone calls. Now, I used to run men’s retreats around the country and there was a time when I was on one of those weekends and went into the sweat lodge with the attendees and made prayers to my second wife who died from her addictions to let me go, that I might meet someone new. And when I came home from that weekend, there was a message from the woman who would become my wife saying “hi,” whom I hadn’t spoken to in a year . . . . and I’ll just simply say that being alert to the divine appointment and anonymous interruptions in life is amazing!
You know when I’m conscious that there’s a surprise fear that I didn’t expect I pay attention to it and that’s what happened when I met her. We went out on a date and within a few months we were going to be living with one another A few months after that we were engaged and a few months after that we got married all because we each paid attention to something that presented itself to us that we didn’t expect, didn’t try and think of it consciously but it was part of that interruption in her life, that divine appointment that brought us together that we now live together with twenty-some-odd years later.
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ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a coach who worked in recruiting for what seems like one hundred years. He is the head coach for NoBSCoachingAdvice.com. He is the host of “The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast,” and “No BS Job Search Advice.”
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