EP 144 Grumbling. We live in a culture where grumbling is frequent. Let me make a case today for you to change the dialogue.

Read Full Transcript

Changing the Dialogue
This is "The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast," Episode 144. I'm your host, Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter and welcome! It's Monday morning. I took last Monday off for Labor Day. I did an in-between-a-sode later in the week, but I'm back to my normally scheduled Monday morning shows.

SEGMENT 1. And today's . . . Well, I'm going to talk with you about a couple of different things I'm going to start off with, I think, we live in a grumbling culture, You know, grumbling. You know, complaining about everything. There's always something that gets under so many people's skins.
And I'm not talking politics here. Politics, hey, I understand the culture that we live in. I'm talking about all the other stuff. Grumbling, complaining, manipulating things through grumbling, and the stories that we tell ourselves about how offended we are, how hurt we are . . . oh, the horrors that exist at work, exists in our personal life, exists everywhere. Everywhere, there are these minor affronts that take us down a rabbit hole of pathos. It is awful what's happening to us.
I'm going to suggest something to you that I heard someone else say yesterday, I thought was really helpful. I'll just simply say that, for so many, the grumbling masks unhappiness to life, and fear in life, fear that we're going to be hurt, fear that those close to us are going to be hurt.
I just want to encourage you to take a moment and pause and remind yourself, "I'm safe and secure today. "I'm going to repeat that one.
I'm safe and secure today.
See how you benefit each morning by just taking a minute when you get out of the shower, finish shaving, whatever version of prep you do in the morning, style your hair. I'm safe and secure today and notice how you feel as you go through your day.

SEGMENT 2. As a coach, many people come to me looking for help-- help to try and become the best version of themselves that they could be. It could be professionally, it could be personally but mostly it's professional. They step into situations where they have work related fear. It was in the last segment I spoke about, "I'm safe and secure today" as a way of silencing the fear that keeps you from stepping up and being your best.
So often, these people allow themselves to be ping ponged, because they don't really have control over their environment. They think if they act differently, they can affect change and most people are at too low a level in their organizations to really do that. So,, it begs the question of what do you want to do when the environment is not one that's going to support you?
I think there's a couple of different answers. One is change the environment. By that I mean, maybe it's appropriate to leave that organization and go to one where it makes more sense for who you really are because, if you've listened to the show, for any length of time, you've heard me say, "environments win. Eventually they wear you down, grind you up and chew you up into this conforming blob that just does a task. That's what they're supposed to do.
Well, that's what they think they're supposed to do. But, again, what do you want to do? How do you want to act and you can practice in your existing place and see how people respond to you as the new version of you and call attention to the times where it's not respecting you, and dealing with you as you want to be dealt with. Now, that doesn't mean being argumentative.
It means standing in a self-confident place and being your true best. I'm going to repeat that. Standing in a self-confident manner and being you at your best and noticing how the environment responds to you.
I've tried it before, it's hard because, eventually, people want you to go back to how you were. You've changed or are trying to change. And they're comfortable with how you were previously. But, it's your life. It is how you want to be and then giving it a chance. You can see how they respond to you. Is it any different or they try to push you back into conformity?
If that's the case, you have a choice to make. Do you want to stay where you are or do you want to move out? I don't begrudge anyone who decides to stay where they are but I also want to remind you, you can move out.

SEGMENT 3. I'll tell you folks, nothing I've described up until this point is easy. It is hard to change from being a grumbler or a complainer. Some people will go so far as to describe you as a whiner for calling attention to the slights and the insults that occurred in life. Some of them are unnecessary. And I know you know that they're first world problems. But there are others that shouldn't be ignored. They should be taken on and you should look out for yourself.
How do you become the best version of you? How do you become a champion? When you're angry at being . . . Well, I don't want to say micro aggressions because that has the political charge to it. But how do you deal with being the best version of you, a champion? A leader? Excellent? When there are all these hurts? Because that's really what's happening.
You're feeling hurt. That brings up anger. Can you be your best when you're angry or is that going to turn someone off? I know yesterday, I sat with someone who's really angry about something. And he went off on a tirade where, basically he felt those in the room, didn't see him, listen to him, respect him or believe the same things he did?
Do you think he drew anyone closer to him? Do you think anyone was willing to follow him? No, of course not. But your anger is going to turn people off? How do you become that best? Frankly, you're going to need help that can come from a wife, husband, partner, a mentor, a coach, it can come from any number of places, but you need to sort it out with someone, rather than just try and do it on your own.
Do it yourself work may help you save money on a repair around the house or, like that house, it may cost you more because you're not capable of doing it. You're better off always looking for someone who knows how to do this kind of stuff to help you in this transition. Otherwise, the cycle will just keep repeating itself.

SEGMENT 4. So who do you want to be? What do you want to do? Why?
These are the three questions that you need to repeat to yourself as you try and make these changes. What kind of woman or man do you want to be a year from now? What do you think or feel like. How do you carry yourself? What do you want to do? What action do you want to take to start the process of change?
Why? Why do you want to make this change? And what small action can you take today to start moving the needle forward in the direction that you want knowing that, from time to time, you may backslide. And your tendency will be, "Again. I gotta do it again." Or "Oh, this ois hard," Or all sorts of previous complaints, complaints, complaints.
Complaints don't move you forward. Complaints are your old mind started to hold you in place and getting you to go back to the mean, that left you unhappy but comfortable.
It's time to start taking action and changing things. I'm telling you. It's time to start action and changing things.

ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER

Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter

Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a coach who worked in recruiting for what seems like one hundred years. He is the head coach for NoBSCoachingAdvice.com. He is the host of “The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast,” and “No BS Job Search Advice.”

Are you interested in my coaching you? Connect with me on LinkedIn and, once we are connected, message me. If you have questions for me, call me through the Magnifi app for iOS (video) https://thebiggamehunter.us/magnifi or PrestoExperts.com (phone)

Subscribe to the “The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast.”

If you have questions for me, call me through the Magnifi app for iOS (video) https://thebiggamehunter.us/magnifi or PrestoExperts.com (phone)

Connect with Me on LinkedIn 

For more No BS Coaching Advice, visit my website. www.NoBSCoachingAdvice.com

Join Career Angles on Facebook and receive support, ideas and advice in your current career and job.

About the author

Leave a Comment, Thought, Opinion. Speak like you're speaking with someone you love.